1000MonkeysOnline | Marriage and Gratitude
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10 Dec Marriage and Gratitude

Let me begin to deal with APPRECIATION in marriage by explaining a basic human dynamic.

What gets your attention? Think about it. Do you notice the beat of your heart,
the comfort of a hot shower, or the milk in the refrigerator? My guess is that these things (and a million other things that are common place in your life) do NOT get your attention. And if they don’t get your attention, then they don’t get your appreciation.

When was the last time you said to yourself, “Thank God my heart is beating.” Did you thank the breadwinner in your family last time you poured milk in your cereal? Not likely, right?

Why aren’t we appreciative for the things that are so essential in our life? Without them we would be miserable. But as long as we have them, we don’t even notice.

Human nature is such that there is an INVERSE relationship between frequency and appreciation. The more you get it (whatever “it” is), the more you expect it, and the less likely you are to appreciate it. And it makes no difference how crucial “it” is. The beat of your heart is a perfect example. There is nothing more crucial in your life. But there’s also nothing more frequent. And probably nothing you take more for granted.

This explains why it’s so common for spouses to take each other for granted. As the frequency with which we do things for each other increases (as the years go by), the experience (and the expression) of gratitude decreases.

Husbands and wives do more for each other than anyone else in their lives, but THAT’S THE PROBLEM! Isn’t it amazing that the blessings right in front of our eyes EVERY DAY are the ones we’re least likely to see. And the ones that surprise us every now and then monopolize our gratitude.

This is one of the great challenges of building a LASTING marriage. We crave appreciation. A successful relationship depends on it. People can’t live fulfilling lives without it. But the longer we’re married, the LESS likely it is to exist in our relationship. That is, unless you’re aware of this NATURAL tendency and are PROACTIVE about defeating it.

There’s no easy way to fill your marriage with appreciation. It will NEVER come naturally. You have to make it a conscious discipline.

-S.